Agitation in Agitation out
Ways to deal with negativity thrown at you & manage the negativity arising within you
There are times when we may find ourselves to be a recipient of someone else's harsh words or bad behaviour. So how do we approach this negativity thrown at us in a way that keeps our inner peace intact ? Here are some ways that I find useful :
1. Avoid responding to the negativity : If someone lashes out to you in anger and you lash back, you only fuel the negative action. And the angry person unconsciously wants just that - to anger you.
Instead pause, calm down, take a few breaths. Either walk away from the person or calmly respond after you have consciously made a mental decision to stay calm.
This will anger the other person even more 🙂 ( trust me, I have tried this technique ). So you will need to muster all the internal strength you have, to stay calm. But once you succeed in this, the negativity will die down. Your inner peace will be intact and you will feel awesome about yourself.
2. Practice understanding : Only what is inside can come out. When someone is filled with hate, they can only spill hate. It's like the computer science principle of ‘Garbage in Garbage out’.
Tara Brach, one of my favourite meditation teachers and Author of the book ‘Radical Acceptance’ tells us :
"Imagine you are walking in the woods and you see a small dog sitting by the tree. As you approach it, it suddenly lunges at you, teeth bared. You are frightened and angry. But then you notice that one of its legs is caught in a trap. Immediately your mood shifts from anger to concern: you see that the dogs aggression is coming from a place of vulnerability and pain. This applies to all of us. When we behave in hurtful ways, it is because we are caught in some kind of trap. The more we look through the eyes of wisdom at ourselves and one another, the more we cultivate a compassionate heart "
Knowing that only a person in pain can give others pain, can evoke compassion in us. And instead of taking the negativity thrown at us personally, we can choose to make an effort to understand where such a behaviour could be stemming from. And maybe that would free us from becoming overly reactive.
3. Learn to drop it : Many a time, we end up ruminating over past hurt. This action is akin to holding onto a very hot vessel and getting burnt in the skin.
We react almost immediately to such kind of physical discomfort but when it comes to our minds, we end up entertaining and hanging on to so many disturbing thoughts that don't serve us.
The moment you realise you are holding on to a thought that's pulling you down, just drop it. This is a life skill when developed, will add to your inner peace immensely.
4. Be aware of ways in which you throw negativity on others : I will share my own personal experience. Everytime I want my daughter to do something fast ( she is 7 years old ) and she takes her own sweet time, I get very irritated and sometimes on auto pilot start showing my irritation on her. Which makes things worse as now she gets upset and further slows down. A futile situation. And although in the moment I act out the negativity, I am acutely aware of this.
Reflecting on what conspired, helps me try to course correct myself in the future.
So now, everytime I sense a negative emotion arising in me that I am about to spill out, I do the following :
A. Just connect to my breath and slow my breathing down
B. Remember Victor Frankls words, "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
C. Ask myself how my higher self would respond when faced with a similar situation.
It is not always that I manage to stay calm and stop myself from throwing my negative energy around but with increased awareness, I am able to see when this happens and can consciously work on reducing its incidence. Which to me is progress.
Did you resonate with my post? In what ways do you deal with negativity thrown at you ? And in what ways do you handle the negativity within you? Let me know in comments. I would love to hear your thoughts 💕
Lovely article Purnima. Dealing with my anger is one of my toughest challenge currently. I am one of those persons who interrupt when someone is angry and I hardly listen fully. Rather I try to defend myself without even completely listening instead assuming that I am being blamed. Like you mentioned , being fully aware of the negative emotions that are popping up and getting to the real cause of it is really the key. Off late , I am atleast being aware of my negative emotions which is definitely a progress. I am looking forward to listen completely without interrupting.
Great Listening Skills can help in Anger Management. Lessen the Angry outbursts with Listening fully and completely without interruption and showing empathy. Most of us cannot restrain our-self from interrupting an angry objection impulsively which actually multiplies the anger. Next, convert the Outburst into a Question to understand the REAL reason behind the anger. What follows this is invariably an amicable solution!