Demystifying being true to yourself.
Insights on my journey to unraveling this quintessential soul need.
Happy Friday!
And welcome to today's edition of 'Conscious living with Purnima'. In today’s post I will share with you a few insights on my journey to figure out what ‘being true to yourself’ could possibly mean & how one can go about it. I am still a traveler on this journey of life trying to make sense of my world & every day brings some new revelation. What I am sharing with you are some things I sense on my journey. I hope you relate.
“An article by a hospice caregiver who had accompanied thousands of people during their final weeks, summed up their greatest regret with these words: “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself.”
Reading this made me think deeply about this whole, ‘being true to yourself’ thing. In my experience being true to yourself doesn’t always equate to thriving success in professional or personal life, the world doesn’t applaud you for it & most times it just makes you stand out, in the most obnoxious kind of way. Then what were these people regretting about? Also, what could have come in the way of them being true to themselves?
Thus, began my quest.
Living a life true to ourselves requires that we have clarity on 2 things:
A. Knowing what our deepest desires are
B. Following through on them
I am being led by the universe to practices, books and experiences that are unravelling insights that will perhaps take me closer to answering those illusive questions. One such thing is Shadow work. I find it fascinating, hard and complex. All the more reason to do it. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, shadow work is essentially taking an inward journey to increase self-awareness. The process involves deconditioning and unlearning everything we were taught & conditioned to believe. It involves recognizing and accepting all aspects of us especially the ones we have kept hidden because it makes us uncomfortable. It’s hard work. And I am taking baby steps. The only way I know to do deep work like that.
One thing that came to light for me while doing this work was how many of us unconsciously harbor this idea (most likely through societal conditioning) that:
“Our shortcomings make us less.”
When we believe in that we show up less freely and more cautiously lest our insecurities & vulnerabilities peep out, we make less mistakes (not because we are perfect but because we are afraid to go wrong), we express less of ourselves for the fear of social disapproval, doubt our ability to be who we can be and are uncomfortable standing out.
As I began to embrace a counter idea that “My shortcomings DO NOT make me less.”, I discovered a newfound freedom to be, to make mistakes, take chances, learn & most importantly stand out, even if like a fool. I was reminded of my all-time favourite quote on making mistakes by Neil Gaiman:
Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.
And I also realize that being true to yourself is not an easy complacent path, its often a fight against everything everyone else wants us to be. But nevertheless, it’s a decision that we make irrespective of the outcome because it is deeply aligned to our souls. And each of us should strive for that. Before it’s too late and we site that as a regret on our final days.
Way Forward
I just started reading the book “Clear Thinking” by Shane Parrish. I haven’t finished reading it but just about a few pages into it, I felt like it was the voice of my soul talking. I am going to pick out a few insights I gained even with that limited reading, that can be used as a way forward on our path. Shane Parrish talks about self-accountability, self-awareness, self-control and self-confidence as strengths we need for clear thinking and making better judgement. I felt it was perfect to use as a guideline for following through on our intentions for our life. I am going to put it in an order that feels right for me:
1. Self-awareness would come first:
We should know what makes us happy & that knowledge can come only by tuning into our inner guidance system, the noise of the world can tune that out for us.
2. Next, would be self-accountability:
Where we are today is a result of our own doing. It’s so critical to take full ownership & responsibility for our life situation. And become accountable for the actions we need to take to carve out a life that feels good for us.
3. Next, would be self-control:
Sometimes we are aware of what needs to be done, but do we have the self-control to follow through with what we know?
4. Last but not the least would be self-confidence:
Our lives may look very different from popular opinion of what a good life should look like. But do we have the self-confidence to stand up for what we believe in and trust ourselves?
These 4 points highlighted above can be our guiding light to creating a life that’s aligned with our deepest intentions.
2 Quotes
Do not try to save the whole world or do anything grandiose. Instead, create a clearing in the dense forest of your life.
- Martha Postlewaite
We speak about losing our minds as if its a bad thing. I say, lose your mind. Do it purposefully. Find out who you are beyond your thoughts and beliefs.
- Vironika Tugaleva