Do something radical starting today - Practice Kindness
On ways we can truly start practicing kindness
Happy Sunday!
And welcome to today’s edition of “Conscious living with Purnima”. In today’s post I will share with you some ways you can practice kindness towards yourself and others in a world that only talks about, glorifies and pays lip service to this much needed yet dangerously on the verge of becoming nonexistent quality.
As Dalai Lama said, “The planet does not need more successful people. The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of all kinds.”
Let’s get straight to it.
Ways you can be kind to yourself:
1. Acknowledge your growth through your own eyes & not through the eyes of the world:
I like to use a framework for my growth journey. This framework takes into account my mindset, habits and environment. As I feel these are the 3 main things that come in the way of growth. You can choose to use this framework too if you like.
Under ‘Mindset’ I like to list all my mental blocks (the one’s I have discovered - the who am I to’s, fears, insecurities etc.) Under ‘Habits’ I list behaviors that don’t serve me and under ‘Environment’ I list everything in my environment that I see as a constraint.
My growth journey involves challenging my mind blocks, breaking habits that don’t serve me and overcoming environmental constraints. Any little progress in these areas is huge for me because I know how difficult it is to break free from old patterns. However, my growth may not seem that significant to you. And that’s because your mindset, habits and environment are going to be totally different from mine. Same way your growth may not seem big to me.
But if you were to negate your growth basis how I see it, then you are not being kind.
Being kind is keeping your unique life challenges always on the forefront of your mind and not minimizing the growth you have achieved just because it is not at par with worldly standards.
2. Celebrate your wins, even on a bad day:
I have two kinds of days. One where I am raring to go, full of creative ideas, excited about what I can do, confident about my abilities, feeling supported by my inner strength. And then there are days I feel hopeless, like I have made a BIG mistake doing what I am doing and it’s too late to course correct.
I am sure you too have both of these days.
On my bad days, in addition to looking for wisdom, which I typically find in the words of some of the great philosophers or Buddhist teachers like Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo, or Thich Naht Hanh, I also try to find something to celebrate.
Bad days are especially important to practice kindness. Be mindful. And find something to celebrate about yourself each day.
3. Don’t take disrespect from anyone:
What is tolerated will soon become the norm. So be very careful of what you accept as normal. If you feel disrespected in anyway, then stand up for yourself. If you don’t then you are not being kind to yourself.
There is also a lot of discrimination around us - discrimination based not just on color, caste, or gender but also based on ability, income and social status.
If you attach your self-worth to all the superficial things that the world values and make yourself small on account of them then you are not being kind.
Stand up for yourself. And internalize that your worth does not come from your social standing.
4. Don’t put people on pedestals:
It’s normal to look up to and admire a few people more than others but there is no need to put them on a pedestal and worship.
Doing so is risking falling into the trap of people pleasing and undermining your own self-worth.
Don’t put people on pedestals. Respect by all means, but no need to worship.
5. Be aware of energies that don’t vibe well with you:
How do you know what vibes well and what does not? Ask your nervous system, it knows. Learn to be aware and distance yourself with triggering influences that disturb your inner equilibrium. As Paulo Coelho said, “If it costs you your peace, it is too expensive.”
Distance yourself from disturbing energies.
Ways you can be kind to others:
1. Look beyond outer appearances:
Only an enlightened person is truly happy and free. Everyone else, without exception, suffers. Just because you don’t see it on the surface, does not mean it doesn’t exist. Also, different people have different thresholds for handling the stress and pressures of life. You don’t want to be the one to break the thread by which a person is holding on to life. And don’t think this is an exaggeration. More than the ephemerality of our own lives, we must remind ourselves of the ephemerality of people we bump into - friends and strangers alike.
And it doesn’t take much to show kindness - just be conscious of how your words lift or pull people down. If you have nothing positive to say, then just keep quiet. There is a humorous quote that reads, “The ability to speak multiple languages is valuable but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.”
As Sigmund Freud said, “There is a grain of truth in every joke.”
2. Use the words - Sorry, thank you, please as often as needed:
You don’t become subservient by using these. These are words that convey respect.
3. Don’t hold on to compliments:
Life is too short to hold on to compliments. When you find something to admire in someone, tell them. And if you are holding back, ask yourself why?
4. Give people the benefit of doubt:
There is a metaphor that Tara Brach, a meditation teacher, psychologist & author often uses when she talks about the practice of forgiveness. It goes like this:
“Imagine you are walking through the woods, and you see a small dog. You think the dog is cute and you approach the dog, wanting to pet it. It suddenly snarls and tries to bite you. The dog no longer seems cute, and you may feel some fear and anger. As the wind blows, the leaves on the ground are carried away and you see the dog has one of its legs caught in a trap. Now, you feel compassion for the dog. You know it became aggressive because it is in pain and suffering. You go from being angry, to this poor thing.”
This is how it is with people. Sometimes they may act from pain that we can’t see or life situations they are facing that we have no clue about. While you don’t have to condone negative actions of others, its kind to give people the benefit of doubt.
The most radical act of kindness that we can do for others is to let them be as they are. Ram dass explained this beautifully taking the analogy of trees. He said, “When you go out into the woods, and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don’t get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree. The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying ‘You are too this, or I’m too this.’ That judgment mind comes in. And so, I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are.”
I hope I gave you enough points to reflect on today.
A long one this time. 👌. But a good one Puri. Loved the compilation of your thoughts with small summaries and quotes.