We live in a world where everyone seems to be projecting their ideas, values, opinions and prejudices on us. And we seem to be doing the same to others.
Its easy to lose ourselves in this field of influence.
These projections, prejudices, ideas and opinions, can become invisible barriers, that distance us from who we truly are and interfere with our capacity to realize our potential.
It's important that we awaken to this and take the necessary steps to free ourselves, so we can live fully.
I was inspired to write today's post from some of the ideas expressed in an article I read last week, called How to find the right direction for yourself, by a fellow writer on Substack. Do check it out.
How Barriers get created:
A. Through internalizing the projections & prejudices thrown on us by others:
Projection is when someone imposes their insecurities, fears and drawbacks onto you, assuming it is yours, when they are actually their own. This is done unconsciously. If we don't pay attention and internalize this projection, then it becomes a barrier for us.
For example, say you want to learn to play an instrument. And someone who has never played one or tried playing one, but failed, tells you that you are too old to learn or that it is difficult, then they are projecting their own experience & opinion on you. And if you internalize this, then it will become a barrier for your learning.
B. Seeking excessive validation:
Ever since we were little kids, we were told by authority figures what not to do, so people won't laugh at us. So we learnt to dovetail our actions to meet the expectations of the society. So much so that we have lost our freedom to be ourselves.
Now we ask ourself everytime before acting, if our action is appropriate. Appropriate not to us, but to those around. And if we have any doubt, we drop the course of action, lest we upset someone or look bad in front of others.
Repeatedly seeking validation can make us lose connection with who we truly are and how we wish to be.
While it is human to want to be accepted by others, seeking too much of it, can be a barrier to self expression, and growth.
C. Not creating healthy boundaries:
There will be people who will encourage you, support you and help you be the best version of you. And then there will be those that will always doubt your ability and dampen your enthusiasm.
It is your responsibility to know who is who and maintain distance from the latter. If you don't, then you will end up creating more barriers to pursuing your path.
Some ways to break free:
A. Express more of yourself:
Ask yourself on a scale of 1-10 how comfortable you are expressing yourself? If the score is low, then introspect what beliefs are coming in the way of your unabashed self expression?
Begin taking baby steps to free yourself from an "approval based mindset".
You can do this by giving yourself permission to do what feels right for you. The truth is you don't need anybody's validation to pursue your hearts longing. Whatever that longing is.
And yes, you are allowed to fail, or be terrible at your attempts.
Recently, Tom bilyeu, CEO of Impact Theory & Co founder of Quest Nutrition, shared a comic strip on Facebook that encourages one to be ok being bad at something. Check that out here.
Bottomline: Less external validation, and more self expression should be your mantra if you want to move towards authentic living.
B. Know yourself:
Get to know yourself. I use this journal called "What's your story, by Lily Diamond and Rebecca Walker”. I have been working with it to unearth some of my own habits, past conditioning etc. I highly recommend it for anyone who wants to go deeper into understanding ones own self.
Of course, you can choose to use your own methods for introspection.
The more you get to know yourself, closer you will be to living your individual purpose.
C. Be conscious of how you internalize projections:
You could be doing this to yourself with self talk like:
- I am too old for this or I am too young for this or I am not good enough or who am I to be this or that (the imposter syndrome)
Pay attention to these limiting thoughts. And try to identify their source. Knowing where they stem from can give you the power to break free from them.
D. Spend time alone:
We live in an overstimulated environment where our attention is constantly pulled outward. It’s easy to lose sight of our path, & our purpose when we go down the road of comparisons, and misguided notions of not being worthy enough.
In order to stay focused on what's important for you, make sure you incorporate time away from gadgets, & social media. And instead do the stuff that brings out joy, creativity & clarity in you. It could be spending time in nature or writing & reflecting, or listening to someone inspiring or reading a book that makes you introspect & think deeply, or just staring into space if that feels therapeutic. Include more of whatever connects you to you, into your day.
E. Daily reminders:
On the practice of Mindfulness, Sharon Salzsberg, a Meditation teacher, says that “Mindfulness is not difficult, we just need to remind ourselves to be mindful.” That struck me as something deep and applicable to almost all aspects of life.
As humans we are forgetful. Which is perhaps why we keep reading books after books after books with the same thoughts repeated in several different ways and we awe at it each time, like the author is telling us something new.
So I will repeat these things for you, to awe at, because I know you need a reminder, just like I do:
🌸 Each one of us is precious, endowed with unique gifts to share with the world
🌸 We are allowed to carve our own unique path of self expression and growth
🌸 At the end of our lives, the things that will matter the most, will be how well we lived a life true to ourselves, & the growth we experienced
Discussion Prompt:
✨ Which part of the article did you resonate with the most?
✨ In this journey of life, have you created barriers based on other people's estimation of your potential? Do you know what these barriers are?
✨ Are you ready to do the work to break free from them and reach your highest potential?
Recommended reading:
📖 The Last Lecture by Randy Paush
📖 Tuesday's with Morrie by Mitch Albom
📖 What's your story by Lily Diamond and Rebecca Walker
As Sunday dawns, so your article. Interesting pick and good collation of thoughts. Keep going!
Coming back to the theme: Yes! Especially in our patriarchal society, anything we do or try to do after a certain age, is looked and frowned. We indeed need to pick up a hobby, meeting new people, doing what we like or choosing what we thing is best, so that, internal happiness and content is important, then of society.