As children we used to get a lot of appreciation from others. Every job well done got us a pat on our back. But as we age, the amount of appreciation we get, reduces drastically. And can lead to a sense of dissatisfaction within if we aren't aware.
It is a basic human need to feel valued. But instead of depending on others for this, we can choose to rely on ourselves. And when we learn to love ourselves unconditionally ( yes, I said learn, as it isn't something that comes naturally to us), our dependence on others for our emotional contentment reduces. We are also more emotionally available for others.
Daily Practice tools :
1. Set an intention to show up for yourself, every single day : A typical day has us donning several hats - father / mother / spouse / daughter / son / manager / boss / subordinate etc etc etc. Showing up for others becomes the norm. But what about showing up for ourself ? That's important too as we cannot pour from an empty cup. And the responsibility to fill that cup is entirely ours.
Set aside a few minutes everyday "for yourself". Use it to do anything that rejuvenates you - listening to inspiring music or staring into space. Your choice.
Just the simple act of painting my nails feels extremely therepeutic on days I have been too busy showing up for others.
Know that unless you carve out this "me time" for yourself consciously, it will never happen.
2. Do nice things for yourself : Doesn't have to be anything grandiose. Just giving yourself a high five in the mirror for a job you think you did well, counts.
I maintain a "self love journal" where I like to pen down all the things I love and admire about myself. I have also committed to memory the following affirmations that I like to reenforce often by either mentally repeating them to myself or penning them down in my journal :
3. Watch your internal dialogue : Unless we are mindful , we can slip into a self critical or judgemental mode. I am not implying that we should ignore our shortcomings. It is important to recognise where we need improvement and strive to better ourselves, but beating ourselves up with negative self talk can be self sabotaging.
For example, instead of telling yourself, I always suck at this, you could rephrase the sentence to, " I am not so good at this right now. But I am sure I will get better if I try". The latter is more positive compared to the former which sounds like perpetual doom.
I came across this lovely forward on rephrasing our sentences from repeatedly saying “I'm Sorry” to saying "thank you”. I love it and have tried to apply it into my life wherever it feels appropriate. You can try it out too.
4. Forgive yourself : It's ok to goof up, make mistakes, be less than perfect, to feel sad, angry or irritated.
Instead of judging yourself for seemingly erroneous behaviour ( we are all prone to it from time to time ), allow yourself to be human. Pause, give yourself some grace, and start afresh.
And instead of internalising every emotion you feel, just watch them come & go like passing clouds. In his poem “Guest house”, Rumi talks about how every emotion you feel is there for a reason. It is one of my all time favourite works of Rumi.
Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. And love yourself, nevertheless.
5. Compliment others : Trust me you will feel good about yourself every time you do this. Give one genuine compliment to someone each day, now that you know compliments are in short supply 🙂 . Try not to be fake. Be honest. If we really open our eyes we will realise that there is just so much goodness in others waiting to be recognised. It won't be a struggle once you consciously start looking for this goodness in others ❤️
I strongly believe that life is like an echo. What you send out, comes back to you.
So always choose to send out love, positivity and encouragement. Value the people in your life and gift them kind words ❤️ To me they are more valuable than material gifts.
Did you resonate with my thoughts? Do you have a practice that helps you strengthen your love for self? And how has that helped you? Let me know in comments. I would love to learn from you 💕
Personally, I am beginning to put Pt. 3 first – I I'm finding that watching the inner dialogue and acknowledging when/how often it's critical of me is an eye-opener!
So, yes, "Talk to yourself as you would talk to someone you love" :-)
Thank You for wonderfully demystifying a difficult concept of Self Love. I loved the table on Stop Apologizing; Start Thanking...There’s no need to be perfect to inspire others. Let others get inspired by how you deal with your imperfections....