Happy Sunday!
And welcome to today’s edition of ‘Conscious living with Purnima’. In today’s post I talk about effective ways to deal with overwhelming emotions. As always, I will share with you my personal experiences. I hope you relate and find the strategies useful. Do feel free to post a comment or write back on what you think/feel. You know I love to hear from you.
“Let difficulty transform you. And it will. In my experience, we just need help in learning how not to run away.”
- Pema Chödrön
Somewhere in my journey through life, I felt the need to take full control of my experiences. I decided to create a toolbox that will have ‘EVERYTHING’ I need to navigate through life smoothly. Life could then never leave me fazed.
I went about doing this diligently, gaining all the knowledge as I could to ready my toolbox. I put together a total of 30 practices. My awesome toolbox got ready - My Armour for life.
And then came an overwhelming episode. I sat with the 30 practices in front of me. I knew I should be applying some of them on the list, but I just couldn’t.
Mindfulness is one amongst the list of 30 practices and requires one to focus fully on the present moment. A practice I find very useful on a regular day but when I am hit with overwhelm, my mind is racing at such a speed that even applying the M of Mindfulness seems impossible.
I know I am not alone in feeling this way. Reflect on your own past episodes of overwhelm. Did you feel that nothing seemed to help?
So, what do you do in such moments?
A. Do nothing:
When we are overwhelmed with something, our mind is not calm & everything appears doomed. Even to apply a practice such as Mindfulness, you need a clear calm mind. So, resist the urge to quickly turn your feelings into something else.
Good news: Everything passes. So, your uncomfortable feelings will pass too. In the meanwhile, find a way to self soothe by walking in nature, listening to music or doing something else that feels nurturing. Just don't over analyse the situation or make any conclusions about your life.
B. Don’t leave the overwhelming episode left unexamined:
When those feelings pass, and your mind is calm again, reflect on what happened. Ask yourself what could have caused the overwhelm?
In my case I find that oftentimes overwhelm is caused by my clinging to an idea of what my life should be like. And when that happens, I cease to see the possibilities that exist in my unique life. And possibilities are always there, waiting to be discovered.
Our lives don’t need to look like anybody else’s. And the challenges we face are necessary for our personal growth. We need to consciously train our minds to see difficulties that way.
C. Unearth your unmet needs:
Our unmet needs can cause frustration. Spotlight them. And put them down in your journal for clarity. You don’t need to justify them to anybody. Your needs matter. Take responsibility to fulfil them. First step to that would be breaking it down into tiny actionable steps. Doing this will make you feel good instantly.
If it’s your need to feel fit in your body, then enrolling for a fitness class, would be an actionable first step. If you want to grow your clientele then reaching out to a few people in your database on a daily basis could be an actionable step or if you seek more depth in your relationships, then practicing authenticity by speaking your mind so people can truly see you could be a courageous first step.
Nobody gets fit overnight, businesses don’t grow overnight, and authentic deep relationships don’t materialize on their own. But it can be overwhelming when we get fixated with the ultimate outcome we desire. Instead fixate on the small steps to take every day. Now you are moving in the direction of fulfilling your personal needs - taking responsibility. That itself can feel empowering.
D. See things clearly:
Our world works in certain ways. For instance, you are not a writer until you have written a book. You may have lovely stories penned in your personal journal. But that doesn't mean anything to the world. Don’t whine saying no one applauds you for your lovely stories. If you want to be recognised as a writer, then you need a book to your name. That’s how it is.
Of course, you can choose not to care for the approval of the world. But that choice needs to be a conscious one. You need to “truly” not care & not just pretend that you don’t care.
Now that we are on the subject of the world, lets also touch upon discrimination. There is discrimination in this world - discrimination on the basis of not just gender, color or race but also abilities, looks & socio-economic status. It can be frustrating to be on the receiving end of this discrimination, but this is something that is here to stay, a fight you cannot win alone. So, allow the experience to awaken compassion within you instead of making you bitter & put your energies into learning how to navigate through this reality skillfully.
Seeing things as they are can help us stay balanced.
Lastly, as you step into the world see if you can make others feel included, see if you can be just a little bit more empathetic. You don’t need to give importance to the things that the world gives importance to. You give importance to what you care about in your heart. It will make your life feel more meaningful & authentic.