Reclaiming happiness
A step-by-step approach from acknowledging unhappiness to discovering barriers to paving the path towards sustainable happiness
I just finished reading, “The Anxious Generation” by Janathan Heidt. The book talks about the mental health trends among adolescents since 2010, the nature of childhood and how it got messed with the digital revolution, the harms that result from the new phone-based childhood, & what we must do to reverse the damage in our families, schools, & societies. It’s a great book & a must read for everyone in this age.
Although Jonathan Heidt has specifically addressed the impact of digital devices on adolescent mental health, I feel all ages are susceptible to negative impact if not careful.
I recently also discovered Dr Dimitrios work. He writes for Psych Today & has published several insightful articles covering personal development. I will leave one particular article on “happiness” for your additional reading as that’s the theme of today’s post. Interestingly he’s mentioned ‘setting boundaries with social media’ as the very first point for experiencing greater happiness.
An Interesting Finding:
I have been building a Whatsapp community where we collectively explore practices for well-being. Currently it has about 90-100 odd members. Out of curiosity I ran a mini poll on the community to find out where most of people’s attention went - in the real world interacting with their immediate environment or the virtual world? A majority seemed to spend more time in the virtual world.
Also, I came to know that post COVID-19 pandemic in many workplaces the culture has changed from mutual interaction to that of reclusiveness. Apparently, very few people want to have face-to-face conversations.
I am yet to have more conversations around this topic but on the face of it, it appears a scary phenomenon.
The Case of exasperating notifications:
Today, a lot of social media apps have increased unnecessary notifications. The other day I received a notification from Facebook that read somewhat like this: “You have not seen the comment made by ‘such and such’ person on a post that you haven't seen.” A very desperate attempt to get me on the platform, in my opinion. Although I ignore these notifications, they have begun to hijack my attention & increase my annoyance.
Having recently read the “Anxious Generation” and observing these real-world changes made me want to pen down my thoughts on reclaiming happiness, something that can be so easily lost in our current environment.
Let’s dive in.
Begin with a basic premise:
First, we must firmly believe that we all deserve to be happy. Every single one of us. Without exception.
And if we are not happy then we need to take responsibility to do the necessary inspection and reclaim our happiness.
I am going to attempt to do that in today’s post. So, let’s get started with the most fundamental question.
Are you happy?
If the answer is yes, then I am happy for you. You can still read the rest of the post to know what to do when that happiness seems to slip away :-)
The Process of Inspection: Go deeper & inspect these 3 areas:
1. The state of your mind & beliefs:
Examine what stories you are telling yourself? What’s your inner dialogue like? Many a time we unconsciously internalize beliefs that don’t serve us like ‘I am not good enough’ or ‘I am less than/ greater than others’ (both of which are equally harmful) or any other unacknowledged belief that internally weighs us down. Can you identify these?
2. Your Habits:
What are your habits like? Habit energy is powerful, and we may not realize how a particular habit, say frequently checking phone for new messages, could be impacting us. Can you pay close attention to your habitual behavior and identify what could be creating dissatisfaction?
3. Your Environment:
Who are you spending your daily quality time with - random strangers in the virtual world who hear you one day and ignore you the next or people who genuinely and without any ambiguity value your presence? While you may think it doesn’t matter, it does. Start paying close attention to how your environment is uniquely influencing you.
Take your time in the inspection phase as identifying barriers is key to effective problem resolution.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it” - Rumi
This is one of my all-time favorite quotes of Rumi that I feel applies to all areas of life.
Once you have identified problem areas, start creating small shifts.
Mindset shifts:
✨ Use positive affirmations to remind yourself of your worth
✨ Be intentionally kind to yourself. It may not be easy initially if you have always been self-critical. But you can get started. And repetition leads to neuroplasticity & brain rewiring as per latest science
Habit shifts:
Prioritize daily self-care because you are worthy. Self-care is not necessarily treating yourself to ice-cream or going to a spa. It is saying ‘NO’ to what adversely impacts your physical, mental and emotional health. And most times this requires energy on our part.
'Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.’
Environment shifts:
Minimize time with people and spaces where you don’t feel seen. And maximize time with spaces and people that show reciprocity.
These little shifts will guarantee long term sustainable happiness.
For Additional Reading:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anxiety-in-high-achievers/202401/why-is-happiness-elusive
PS - This is my third consecutive week of writing. Thank you for reading my posts. Though I don’t entirely depend on it, I would like you to know that it does provide me with the extrinsic motivation to remain consistent.
As always good to read your post and take positives out of it.