This is going to be a heavy post. But it's necessary that I talk about it. I have always sought to teach my students "finding ease" in life. In my previous post too I spoke about how freedom and ease are important values for me.
Finding ease is easy when things are going fine. But is it possible to find ease amidst chaos? That's going to be the crux of this post.
As I write this I have my very near & dear ones hospitalized. Seeing your loved ones suffer is the worst kind of experience. And it is definitely a murky and difficult phase for me & everyone else in my family as we wait out each day praying for their recovery. And I want to share with you some tools I am using to tide through this phase. Hoping you can use some of them when you go through something difficult. Not that I want you to go through anything difficult. But pain & suffering are part of life and we are better off embracing them rather than running away from them.
Tool 1 : The practice of "RAIN"
This is a practice I learnt from Tara Brach, a "Mindfulness & Meditation" teacher, through her courses & books. You can check out her website - www.tarabrach.com for the detailed practice and associated guided meditations.
I will explain the practice in my own words. You can use this when you are going through relatively less intense emotional experience, to begin. RAIN is an acronym for :
R : Recognise. Recognise the presence of the difficult emotion. It could be fear, anger, frustration, helplessness etc
A : Allow. Instead of shoving the feelings away or trying to change it or distract yourself from it, allow yourself to feel what you are feeling.
This step can be extremely challenging if there is a lot of emotional turmoil. In which case you will need to back off a bit and be gentle with yourself.
I : Investigate. Become curious and see where you feel the emotion in the body. Do you feel it in your heart? In your gut? What does the emotion feel like ?
N : Non identification & Nurturing. This step involves asking yourself, what you need ? I like to place my hands on my heart, take a few deep breaths and ask for inner counsel on what's needed to find balance and ease amidst chaos.
This practice was tough for me to apply to current circumstance especially the A of RAIN, so I went easy on that step. Nurturing called for more quiet time, reflection and writing my thoughts out.
Tool 2 : Being connected with resilient people - People who have gone through difficult times themselves. They could be real people in your life or public figures you admire. You can derive strength from other people's personal stories of resilience.
I follow Janine Shepherd, an Olympic Ski racer, who met with a severe accident that almost killed her. She lost her identity as an athlete but her resilience helped her build a whole new life and identity for herself as a pilot. She told herself, if she couldn't walk, she would fly. I was moved by her Ted talk a few years back and have been connected with her through Instagram, ever since❤️
She shared a post recently where she talks about how we need to remind ourselves often of our innate resilience. And I have been doing just that.
I know I have overcome difficult emotional experiences in the past & have the inner strength to do it this time around too.
You too, reading this, are innately resilient and can handle anything life throws at you.
I am also reading her book "Defiant". I recommend you read it too if you haven't already. There is no greater inspiration than real life personal accounts of resilience and strength.
Tool 3 - Acceptance & Surrender : Easily said than done, I know. But take a moment & think about it. Why do we get so anxious with our lives? I am afraid it is because of our need to be in control all the time. And also our need to avoid discomforts of all kinds.
Ramana Maharshi in his treatise - “Nan yar / who am I" answers one of the questions:
Who is the greatest of devotees ?
Ramana Maharishi answers, “He who gives himself up to the Self that is God is the most excellent devotee. Giving one's self up to God means remaining constantly in the Self without giving room for the rise of any thoughts other than that of the Self. Whatever burdens are thrown on God, he bears them. Since the supreme power of God makes all things move, why should we, without submitting ourselves to it, constantly worry ourselves with thoughts as to what should be done and how, and what should not be done and how not? We know that the train carries all loads, so after getting on it why should we carry our small luggage on our head to our discomfort, instead of putting it down in the train and feeling at ease?”
When we are faced with situations that are beyond our control, it is best to surrender & flow. Surrendering does not been inaction. It means letting go of the attachment to the results of how things should ultimately turn out . It's doing what needs to be done, and accepting the results for what they are.
When I surrender, I can breathe. And focus on action.
When I resist, rebel and cry, I can do nothing.
The only way through it, is through it.
Tool 4 - Taking inspiration from the scriptures :
Bhagwad Gita is my go-to scripture during difficult times. You will find a lot of underlining in my personal copy, like I read the book to appear for an exam. Isn't life itself the most difficult exam of all?
I also take inspiration from the characters of the Mahabharata. The following prayer by queen Kunti is awe inspiring. Give it a listen.
I was touched especially by the last few words where she tells the lord,
I am not afraid to be abandoned by luck and good fortune; by friends and relatives; I am not afraid to be handled roughly; I am not afraid to wander the streets homeless like a beggar; I am not afraid to be cast away, condemned, quarantined or exiled.
We build resilience by not being afraid and moving through our darkest fears.
Tool 5 - Talking to people you are close to : Finding solace through support from close family members and friends can help maintain a positive and hopeful mindset. This has been my main source for maintaining positivity.
Tool 6 - Looking for the learnings : When you see people close to you suffer, you forget all about their faults and can only think of their positive qualities. That's how it is.
You realise that there is no place for grudge, anger, jealousy, resentment or hatred, in a life that is so temporary & fragile.
If you are reading this, then I urge you to be "more loving". Every single day be a little more loving than the previous. Towards your immediate family members, friends, relatives, pets and even strangers. Set aside the differences. They don't matter. Love alone makes sense. That's the greatest life lesson for me.
I know this has been a very long post and maybe too heavy for your Sunday morning. But that's life for us. It's not all happy, sunshine and giggles. It is a mix of happy, sad, gloomy, bright, hopeless, inspiring, sunshine and clouds.
And we got to learn to embrace it all.
What tools, practices & strong mental habits do you use to tide through difficult phases of your life ? Let me know in comments. I would love to learn from you.
Thanks for sharing this story on resiliance!
Reminded of Charles R Swindoll's Quote: “The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company...a church....a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes.”