To be or to become
On what we most need to live fully
Last week I came across this excerpt by Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo & I have been reflecting on it. Jetsunma is a very wise Buddhist Monk & I revere her teachings. She said,
“Many people have this fantasy of somehow coming across some yogi or lama sitting on a mountain-top who looks up and says, “Ah, I’ve been waiting for you. What took you so long?”. People think that if they could only find the perfect master who’s just right for them, all their problems would be solved. Sometimes I say to people, “Look, even if you meet your master, that’s when your problems begin!” In fact, even if the Buddha himself was sitting in front of us right now, what could he do to our untamed and uncontrolled minds? The only thing he could do is tell us to practice.”
- Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo
When we stop to reflect on our own lives, we will find that we know much - how to be healthy, how to be fit, how to have better relationships, how to be happy etc., etc., etc. We have spent countless hours gathering knowledge about these things, spending money, time & energy. But somehow it is never enough for us. While we keep acquiring more & more knowledge, looking for that secret elixir to a perfect life, we fall terribly short when it comes to application. It’s actually a very funny situation, when you sit to think of it. As Jetsunma says, “we need to practice”.
And this applies to all areas of life.
As a Fitness Coach, I know my clients can improve their health and fitness remarkably by just applying what they already know, without a single additional tip from my side. But from experience I know they struggle to do that.
I think it will be wise for us to dig deeper into why we lack the patience to practice enough what we already know.
I suspect it’s because of the following reasons:
The Race “to become”:
We live in an “achievements driven” society. And we are conditioned to constantly keep doing and becoming into so called “better versions”. We are bombarded with messages of striving to meet that ‘future awesome version’ of us. Messages that mess with our heads & make it impossible for us to stop running “to become”. And allow ourselves some time to “just be”.
The running to get somewhere fast also causes us to have a very strained relationship with time.
J Krishnamurthy one of my favorite Philosophers in his book, “Book of life - daily meditations with J Krishnamurti”, wrote about how becoming is strife. He said,
“Life as we know it, our daily life, is a process of becoming. I am poor and I act with an end in view, which is to become rich. I am ugly and I want to become beautiful. Therefore, my life is a process of becoming something. The will to be is the will to become, at different level of consciousness, in different states, in which there is challenge, response, naming, and recording. Now, this becoming is strife, this becoming is pain, is it not? It is a constant struggle: I am this, and I want to become that.”
- J Krishnamurti
Driven by Fear
Our fear driven society pushes us into trying to gain control over our life by constantly trying to acquire more & become more to feel safe.
Need for External Validation
We want to look good in front of others. Whatever we think will improve our appearance (money, status, fame, external looks) we run after that. We don’t pause to think if it will really solve our problem. In fact, in our running we have forgotten what our real problem is or what we truly want.
What has this led to?
Diminished power to live life fully in alignment with who we are meant to be.
“The point in this life is not simply to become somebody, but to become who we were each intended to be when we first entered this world.” - Michael Meade
And today’s burgeoning App culture is further pulling us away & keeping us distracted.
The Need of the hour:
Today's changing environment is calling us to be radical in our approach to life. We need to:
A. Recognize how societal conditioning is influencing our actions.
If we are not aware, then we will continue to be blindly influenced by our society to the detriment of our long-term well-being. We need to cultivate awareness so we can take our power back.
B. Radically let go of the need to become anything other than what we are:
When we let go of the need to be this or that, we awaken our capacity for presence. We begin to notice that our spirit seems to always be nudging us in a certain direction without us having to do anything, we notice that are bodies are trying to tell us something - a voice we have numbed due to being distracted, we notice desires that are calling for fulfilment. Desires we have been ignoring because of a lack of trust in ourselves due to years of “not listening” & “not paying attention”.
I am reading this book, The Almanack of Naval Ravikant. I want to share a few quotes & excerpts where he talks about the importance of being authentic. Its relevant to today’s topic as authenticity cannot be embraced without first getting to know ourselves deeply which comes not from running ‘to become’ but taking the time ‘to be’
“No one can compete with you on being you.”
“Escape competition through authenticity.” Basically, when you’re competing with people, it’s because you are copying them. It’s because you are trying to do the same thing. But every human is different. Don’t copy.
C. Find the courage to attend to the callings of your body, mind & spirit
The truth is you don’t need another book, another teacher, another course, another practice. What you need is to attend to whatever is coming up for you, moment by moment, to apply some of what you already know, & trust that you already have everything you need for your learning & growth. You also have the capacity to be deeply fulfilled every second of everyday.
Ram Dass said, “Your life is the blueprint for your liberation.” If we believed that in our bones, then we would naturally be more attentive to our unique life & unique needs. We may perhaps even become adept at practicing enough of what we already know we should be.
Victor Frankl in his book, “Man’s search for Meaning” says, “don’t ask what’s the purpose of life. Ask what’s life asking of you”. If you don’t own this book, then please do. It’s a gem.
Now if I were to summarize those 3 aforementioned points in 3 short sentences, they would be:
✨ ‘Just be’ so you can become who you are meant to be. Naturally. Without any fight or rush.
✨ Attend to what’s calling for your attention.
✨ Trust Yourself.
Life becomes really simple when we make the choice to commit to these principles.
Additional Reading:
This post is from another Substack writer
. I enjoyed how he has expressed his observations and if today’s topic of conversation interested you then you will enjoy this post too:
Thanks for the shoutout, Purnima. Love this post. A book that I read bits of every week (at least) is Stop Fixing Yourself: Wake Up, All Is Well by Anthony de Mello.
This sounds like a lovely book. Thanks for sharing.